he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
