I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No subtext here. People are naked.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
