I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
