My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
50% drunk capacity currently
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
