We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
