I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
