which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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