i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
