mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
