I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
