I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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