ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize