he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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