3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
