Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
