The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
