you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
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We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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