the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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