I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
