She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
