I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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