Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
