U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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