The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
