The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
