I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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