do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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