as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
