you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
