so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
