I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
