It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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