I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
