the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
