We got so high we made milksteak
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
