Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
