Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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