Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
