I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
