I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
