I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
barbara walters just said penis...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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