i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You pole danced in your parka.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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