I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
