I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
