So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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