I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
