Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found your dick twin last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
