I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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