Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
