I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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