Your mouth is God's brothel.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
