Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
