somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
