took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
