Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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