I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
