I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
