Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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