No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
True strength comes from lack of pants
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
