I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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