i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
