i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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