Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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