The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
