I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
