i already hear my dad disowning me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
