omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I won the penis lottery.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
