White coat. Heels.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
