Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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