it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
