I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
