I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
